Think of the last time you were really upset. I mean so upset that you just didn’t want to talk to or even look at anyone. Now, think of how you would feel if someone that you love very much either told you to “calm down”, “stop it”, or dismissed your feelings all together. Maybe you don’t need someone else to give you those messages because you’re pretty good at it yourself. When you are upset what messages do you give yourself? Do you tell yourself your over reacting, being silly, or that no one really cares how you feel anyway? Do you allow yourself to actually feel the anger, sadness, or fear? It is important for you as a parent, teacher, or caregiver to be aware of how you handle your own emotional upset.
One of the structures we use in Conscious Discipline is the Safe Place. The purpose of the Safe Place is to give a child (or adult) a space where they can calm down and regulate their feelings safely. This structure helps us teach children the necessary tools so that they can have the “pause” button that I’m referring to. They have the opportunity to calm down, name their feelings and then work toward a solution either on their own or with the help of an attuned adult.
The Safe Place looks very different for Infants and Toddlers as well as children with special needs. With the youngest children the Safe Place is created on the chest or in the lap of a composed adult. The adult must possess the skills to calm themselves down so that their state can regulate the state of the baby. As the adult breaths and begins to calm it will allow them access to higher centers of their brain so they can give the best of who they are to helping the child regulate. We break the process down into much simpler developmentally appropriate steps according to the age or needs of the child.
The Feeling Buddies Curriculum by Dr. Becky Bailey helps teach children and adults the skills necessary for self-regulation. Once you have introduced necessary skills for children to begin using the Feeling Buddies and understand the Five Steps to Self-Regulation you will really begin to see a difference in not only how the children handle their upset, but the adults as well!
Check out our Ribbon Cutting Ceremony. This little boy is one that has had quite a journey toward learning self-regulation. He was very resistant to any type of calming technique that we used with him, but with lots of patience, teamwork, and creativity, we have moved forward to a place of celebration because he now has skills he can use to help him manage his emotions. We gave him the honor of cutting the ribbon and giving the children a tour of the Safe Place not only because he has become such a pro, but also because it was a great opportunity to increase his skills. Teaching and learning go hand in hand.
Stay tuned for more details about our Safe Place like what tools we use, breathing techniques, class books, and more great video clips!